Perfectionism: Helping or Hurting Your Leadership?
October 2025 Blog
“I must be perfect, or I will be rejected.”
Can you imagine living with this belief? Many perfectionists understand this very well! When a leader believes it to be 100% true, they are dominated by it. In my coaching practice, I see many leaders today struggling with perfectionism. It appears in various forms.
Perfectionism is often best understood when we think of the ‘schemas’ that create it. A perfectionistic schema is a deeply ingrained, rigid belief pattern that holds that meeting extremely high standards is necessary to be acceptable or worthwhile.
People with strong perfectionistic schemas may believe that:
They must achieve at very high levels to avoid criticism or rejection
Anything less than perfect is unacceptable or represents failure
Their self-worth depends entirely on performance and achievement
Making mistakes is intolerable
It is thought that perfectionistic schemas are often developed in childhood. Highly critical or demanding parents who overly use conditional love contribute significantly. Consistent negative parental pressure at crucial stages of mental/emotional development, such as only praising good performance and harshly punishing mistakes, contributes to the development of perfectionistic schemas.
At its worst, strong perfectionist schemas may create:
Chronic dissatisfaction with accomplishments
Difficulty completing tasks due to fear they won't be perfect
Excessive checking and revision of work
Harsh self-criticism
Procrastination (to avoid the anxiety of not performing perfectly)
Difficulty delegating or trusting others to do things "right"
Executives often develop specific perfectionistic schemas that align with the high-pressure roles and leadership responsibilities they hold. Here are the most common patterns:
"I must never show weakness or vulnerability." The belief that any display of uncertainty, mistakes, or not having all the answers will undermine their authority and credibility. This leads to isolation, reluctance to ask for help, and enormous internal pressure to appear infallible.
"Everything depends on me." An overwhelming sense of responsibility, in which they believe the organization's success or failure rests entirely on their shoulders. This leads to overwork, difficulty delegating, and an inability to trust others with important tasks.
"I must always be in control." The need to micromanage and oversee every detail because they believe things will fall apart without their direct involvement. This creates bottlenecks and prevents team development.
"Any failure reflects my inadequacy." Tying their entire self-worth to business outcomes, making setbacks feel like personal catastrophes rather than everyday business challenges. This can lead to excessive risk aversion or, conversely, desperate decisions.
"I must outperform everyone to prove my worth." Constantly comparing themselves to other executives and feeling they must be the best to justify their position. This fuels burnout and makes it challenging to celebrate wins.
"I should have all the answers." Believing that leadership means knowing everything prevents genuine curiosity, learning, and collaborative problem-solving. They may hide knowledge gaps rather than admitting uncertainty.
"Work is where I prove my value." Over-identification with their executive role, where their entire identity and self-worth come from professional achievement. This leads to neglecting personal relationships, health, and other life domains.
"I must never disappoint stakeholders." An impossible standard of pleasing boards, investors, employees, and customers simultaneously, leading to people-pleasing behaviors that compromise their own judgment and vision.
These schemas usually serve executives well early in their careers. They often help the leader develop a driving ambition, attention to detail, and a strong work ethic. But at the executive level, these schemas become counterproductive, preventing effective delegation, strategic thinking, work-life integration, and sustainable leadership.
The most effective executives learn to recognize these patterns and develop what might be called "flexible excellence” - maintaining high standards while accepting imperfection, uncertainty, and the reality that lasting success requires letting go of total control.
On the other hand, a schema becomes problematic when it creates significant distress, interferes with relationships, or prevents people from taking healthy risks or experiencing satisfaction. In therapy, the goal isn't necessarily to eliminate high standards, but to develop more flexible, self-compassionate ways of relating to achievement and mistakes.
If you or other leaders are caught up in perfectionism, working with a cognitive behavior therapist could be helpful. They will initially help you identify your “standards” (another way to identify your schemas) and guide you to determine whether they are helpful or unhelpful. The best way to determine whether your standards are overly perfectionistic is to assess the impact of adhering to them.
Imposter syndrome is closely aligned with people who suffer from strong perfectionistic schemas. You may know someone who is suffering from it, and their confidence has plummeted because of their constant negative self-talk. Helping them identify their standards and perfectionistic schemas could be immensely helpful.
I am the oldest of six children. I was named after my father. My wife has said that I sometimes walk and talk like him. In many ways, I have adopted his schemas, both consciously and unconsciously. He was a perfectionist extraordinaire! I have had to challenge myself to be aware of my tendencies toward perfectionism and work to change my mindset so that my unhelpful schemas don’t destroy my work and my relationships. It has not been easy.
Today, there are many great resources available for someone ready to tackle perfectionism and/or the imposter syndrome. I suggest a couple of great books on the topic if you are interested in going deeper. Even though it’s hard to find, the first book I read on perfectionism was Never Good Enough – How to Use Perfectionism to Your Advantage Without Letting It Ruin Your Life by Monica Ramirez Basco, Ph.D.
I have also learned from Martin M. Antony, Ph.D.’s book: When Perfect Isn’t Good Enough – Strategies for Coping with Perfectionism. Lastly, the latest book I have on the topic is: The Perfectionism Workbook – Proven Strategies to End Procrastination, Accept Yourself, and Achieve Your Goals by Taylor Newendorp.
If you would like to talk about your situation, I would be glad to hear your story. Please don’t put off making a call if you are struggling. You can view my availability and schedule on my calendar.